Why do I hike?

Why do I hike? Why do I put myself through long, painful hours of torture to the point of near exhaustion, only to repeat the whole thing over again? Why do I trek jungles and climb mountains?

To really explain my relationship with the outdoors, I’m going to go way back in time.

Before I really discovered what hiking meant to me and how it was slowly changing me, I was what you could call a casual hiker.

I’d always been an active kid, and I loved being outdoors, playing with my siblings. I was (and still am) a competitive person, always driven by the next challenge. When your kid has a competitive streak, you encourage them to pick up a sport. So, I started out doing gymnastics when I was eight, even making it to state/national level before an injury meant I couldn’t continue.

I was also a scout, which gave me a lot of time outdoors. My time as a scout laid the foundation of what would become a near-obsession.

As time went on, I grew up. Schooldays came and went, and the last hiking trip I would go on for a long time happened in college (2002) when I went with a group of friends to Gunung Senyum and Gunung Jebak Puyuh.

Then life happened, I got a job, and outdoor trips took a backseat for a while. There was still the occasional waterfall bbq, or sometimes a trip to a nearby river for a swim, but nothing serious.

After college I became a flight attendant, which took me around the world. I loved my work because I got to travel to so many places. It was great, but I was becoming restless. I needed a challenge. I didn’t get to see my friends and family as much I wanted because of work commitments, so I decided to make a massive change.

I’d always been interested in fashion, so I decided to enroll myself in a fashion design course at a local college, using the savings I had from working for a few years. I graduated, and joined a boutique. During this period my own personal life was a wreck, but I figured if I had a solid goal in front of me and something to focus on, I’d be okay. I would take it one step at a time. I wanted to take my career to the next level, so I joined a local department store as a buyer. I learned a lot during my time there, and my ambitions took me to an online retailer. Everything was working out fine for me. My career was progressing, and I was comfortable. Life was going well.

Then, in 2012, things took a turn for the worse. My father fell ill, and I dropped everything to be with him during his final weeks. He passed away, and I was devastated. I felt like my whole world was falling apart, but I had to be strong for my mother. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose your life partner, someone who had been by your side for decades. I had to make sure my mother was ok. When you get to a certain stage in life, you kind of expect things like this to happen, but you’re never really prepared for it.

I couldn’t outwardly express it, but I was struggling with my own feelings. I felt so lost. I hated waking up and facing the day. At this point I hadn’t really hiked in 10 years, but something drew me back there. I needed a focus point again, so I decided to throw all my energy and hurt and anger into a new challenge. I would climb a mountain. Why not? It was a decision I would never regret.

When you’re on a challenging trail, your mind becomes so focused that at some point you only hear your footsteps and your breathing, against the vast backdrop of nature. You concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, and it becomes a form of meditation. You focus on finding solutions so you can cross a river or climb up steep rocks. You have to think quickly to avoid injury, and every fibre of your being is focused on keeping you alive and getting you to the next point. You work through pain. Everything else doesn’t matter. All your worldly problems just disappear.

Getting to the peak isn’t really the goal for me. Sure, the view is always amazing and the feeling of accomplishing something is indescribable, but for me, the entire journey is a lesson in endurance and patience.

I’ve learned a lot about life from hiking. I’ve learned that nothing comes easily, and that you have to push yourself as hard and as far as you can, until you think you can’t go any further, and then push yourself some more. I’ve learned that if I take it one step at a time, eventually I’ll get to the peak. I’ll keep moving and pushing myself to grow and improve. I know my father would be proud of me.

To be concluded.....